The Problem with Automated Response…

My Husband Franc, in a fit of fervent, prosperous, holiday fever, sent off a response to an inviting SMS declaring…

“BMW’s HAVE TO BE WON…TODAY!”

So, being the gorgeous blue eyed sweetie pie that he is… he sent off that first, inevitable, innocent, R10 per SMS…um,…SMS. This is what followed.

After sending off the word “YEBO” (meaning ‘yes’ in zulu) to the number provided (and spending R10 in a split second) he sat back and smiled thinking of how he would drive that BMW… before he knew it he received this…

"Vodacom celebrates 100 cars! Win 1 of 100 BMW’s in 100 days!1 BMW every day! SMS your NAME to 555101and win 30 extra entries in tonight’s draw! (R10 per SMS)"

…and so, like any hot blooded BMW inspired cell phone user… he SMS’d his name, FRANCIS to the number provided and, once again, spent R10 in a split second.
Once again, he sat back and smiled thinking of how well spent the R20 was, when, suddenly, he heard what was the start of an interesting journey into the world of

SERVICE PROVIDER AUTOMATED RESPONSE SYSTEMS (ARS)

He had sent off his first SMS at 7:05
He had received the second SMS at 7:06
He replied at 7:06
At 7:06 he received this message…

"TIP 1: Every SMS you send to 555101 is worth 10 extra entries in the DAILY draw. IMPORTANT: All the SMS you receive are free. Reply now! (R10 per SMS)"

…at 7:07 he received another SMS…

"TIP 2: You are not alone! You’ll find surprises, bonus’s, even EXTRA CARS!! Let’s start! There’s a surprise for you TODAY! SMS YEBO to 555101 (R10 per SMS)"

… in disbelief (hello! he received like 100 SMS in ONE MINUTE) then after a brief respite, at 7:15 he received this message…

"With 1 SMS a day you can transfer all your entries to the daily BMW draw Francis! Play now for more bonuses! SMS YEBO to 555101 (R10 per SMS)"

…he called me and read the SMS to me as yet another one came through, also at 7:15…

"Hey Francis! We have a question for YOU! SMS YEBO to 55510. Once you have answered it you will get 70 extra entries!! (R10 per SMS)"

…after a few minutes of amazement, at 7:25 he received yet another SMS…

"IF you would rather QUIT and not receive any tips or free info SMS STOP to 555101, don’t worry we’ll still enter you into today’s draw! (R10 per SMS)"

We then had a respite and almost forgot the experience until the next morning, when Vodacom stepped up the game 12:14 17th December…

"Hi Francis! P. Mokebi won yesterdays BMW draw…"
Now pay attention because this is where automated response systems fail us.
"…but today’s BMW may be won by a WOMAN. If you would like to enter today’s draw - SMS YEBO to 555101 (R10) GO FOR IT!"

He frowned and asked me, why are they telling that a WOMAN might win?
I shrugged. Then on the 17:23 18th December…

"Important reminder Francis! Don’t forget to transfer all of your 60 entries for tonights BMW draw. SMS YEBO… blah blah…"
(Just wanna mention that it has now gone from 30 entries to 60 entries magically)

Then, we realised what had happened when, on the 19th December at 17:01 we received this last SMS… hahaha…

"Come on Francis! Girls never quit and Quitters never win! Claim the BMW! Transfer your 60 entries now! (R10 per SMS)"

Someone, Somewhere, decided that it would be a great idea to not only have customers names attached to propaganda SMS chains, but that it would be fun to assign GENDER based on NAME. Someone at Vodacom has not yet realised that FRAN – CIS is a male name, and FRAN – CES is a girls name.

Come on Francis my man! You GO GIRL!!!

Oh yes, LEAVE US ALONE VODA-BLOODY-COM!!!!