Tuesday, 21 February 2017

DIARY: A Song Lost

Today I lost a word document that contained a song - written in one go in a moment of inspiration. As I pressed save after typing the last word - it wasn't even 3 - 5 minutes after starting because autosave hadn't even saved it yet, Word spazzed out and I lost it.

I was so sad - crushed - and didn't know why it hit me so hard! It's just a silly song!
Sitting at my PC now a couple hours later and after an arvo filled with music students and chaos. I have realised why it hit me so hard!

In 2010 I finished editing my first Novel, it took me ten years to write the two books and edit the first of the books - I was, I think, about two weeks from publishing - and had spent most of my pregnancy working on the book up to 10 hours a day.

Two weeks from publishing, I had used a really lovely program called Blurb to do all editing and layout etc. I was about 7 months pregnant and I opened my computer, opened the book file, and it was gone. All of it.

A virus/malware had snuck in and destroyed all of the files that I used the most. A friend tried to access the files and found skulls and crossbones in the coding (I don't know the correct term)
I remember standing up from my computer in a daze, and calling Francis who came out of the kitchen.

I said "My book is gone. It's all gone." and collapsed.

I remember going into shock and having a massive panic attack, I remember lying on the floor with Francis rocking me and calling for my Mom. Ten years of work, months of solid graft and editing every full stop, capital letter, grammar, tweaking story lines... all gone.

I remember bleeding and cramping, and nearly losing Kelsey. The doctor said that I had had a massive shock to the system. I was out of my mind to a degree for about a week.

I put the book out of my thoughts. I focused on carrying my baby to full term which I did. And when she was a few months old, and I could face the prospect without tears. I opened a word document, opened a very old version of my book, and started. All. Over. Again.

There were a few people who helped make my book possible. People who sponsored my book launch at a beautiful Hotel. The media who wrote about it. Friends who bought copies of the book.
And that, is why it hit me so hard. Sitting in Imperial Centre with tears in my eyes over a silly song. 
Maybe I wasn't being so silly xx

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